The Elias/John Cena Connection, Plus Ponderings From WWE Raw

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

I found myself on a podcast binge this past Sunday. Among my backlogged shows were two respective episodes of The Steve Austin Show and E and C’s Pod of Awesomeness. As if by fate, the both happened to feature the same guest: Elias.

I hadn’t realized just how into this guy I was. But I found myself listening pretty intently to what he had to say, and it occurred to me: If portrayed the right way, Elias could be huge. To an extent, he actually reminds me of John Cena. Not necessarily in terms of his personality or the way he works, but in the uniqueness of his persona.

When John Cena started using his hip hop inspired persona in 2003, it had a flair of originality to it. We’d seen wrestlers incorporate certain rap elements into their characters, but never seen anything quite like this. Once that character became more fully developed, Cena’s battle was half won. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t as polished a wrestler as most of his peers. People bought into him because was unique, and even real to an extent.

We’ve seen our share of guitar-playing wrestlers. The Honky Tonk Man comes to mind immediately, as does Jeff Jarrett. Outside the WWE umbrella you had names like Van Hammer and Maxx Payne. But Elias has an entirely different flavor. He’s got a more grounded, modern feel to him, sprinkled with a little Johnny Cash, Jim Morrison, etc. It didn’t click with the more hardcore fans in NXT. But on the mainstream level shows like Raw and Smackdown, it works.

Elias has something that’s been missing in wrestling for a long time, but seems to slowly be creeping back in. The “cool factor.” That swagger,  that demeanor, that aura that makes the male audience in particular look at you and think, “I wish I could be like him.” Names like Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock, Sting, and Goldberg had it. Groups like DX and the nWo had it. John Cena had it at one point. Nowadays you can see it in guys who’ve been associated with the Bullet Club. Braun Strowman has it to a degree.

We’re now starting to see traces of it in Elias. He’s hearing more boos than cheers. But give it time. Once Wrestlemania comes and goes, it wouldn’t surprise me if fans around the world are ready to walk with Elias. And when that time comes, WWE needs to be ready to pounce.

Ponderings From Raw:

John Cena opens the show, and is interrupted by the Miz. Cena challenges Miz to a match with the stipulation that the loser enters the Elimination Chamber Match first. Cena wins with the Super AA. The best line of Cena’s promo? Wrestlemania can bring a legend back from the dead.” Foreshadowing, anyone?

To anyone who’s been a fan for more than a few years, the notion of Cena not having a match at Wrestlemania is downright laughable. But that’s obviously the story they want to tell with he and Undertaker. Cena has to get a match at Wrestlemania by goading the Dead Man out of retirement.

Incidentally, I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard an “And the loser of this match is…” announcement.

The Revival def. Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson. Anybody else see Dash Wilder trip after he got tagged in to feed for Anderson? Whoops. Still, at least they won. A hell of an improvement over their loss to Anderson and Finn Balor last week.

Kurt Angle stands up for Jason Jordan, who will miss Wrestlemania with a neck injury. Seth Rollins emerges and asks to be inserted into the Second Chance Fatal Four-Way later that night. Angle grants his wish, making it a Fatal Five-Way. Oh good. Another Fatal Five-Way. Isn’t that just so…asymmetrical.

Rollins was presumably going to work with Jason Jordan at Wrestlemania. Obviously that’s not happening anymore, which leaves Rollins without a dance partner. So who do you put him with? Angle? I doesn’t seem like the highly speculated Triple H/Kurt Angle match is on the books anymore, and Rollins would likely give Angle a better match anyway. Finn Balor might work, as they obviously have some history. There’s also the Miz, though he’s rumored to be working with Strowman.

Bayley def. Sasha Banks. Nia Jax ambushes both women after the match. Hardly their best match, but still damn good.

While the turn isn’t official, Sasha was working heel here. It’s about damn time. I’ve been ready to boo the hell out of this woman for months. What’s more, working with a heel Sasha could do wonders for Bayley. The audience needs to be reminded why they liked her in the first place. Casting Sasha as a vicious, bratty heel could garner her some valuable sympathy.

Mandy Rose and Goldust were a team on WWE Mixed Match Challenge last week. While they lost, if you watch some of the online content WWE has put out with them, they make a hell of a duo. How about we drop the Absolution stuff and make them a next-gen Goldust and Marlena?

Braun Strowman gives his own take on one of Elias’ performances, smashes the Drifter with a cello. These WWE comedy segments crash and burn so much that you wonder if they’re even worth the effort. Then something like this comes along and it almost makes the bad ones all worthwhile. Even after accidentally breaking the strings, Strowman sold the bit and made it work. And seeing him smash Elias with the cello? Priceless.

How is this man not headlining Wrestlemania? Apparently Brock doesn’t want to work with him anymore after what happened at the Rumble. So what? Brock makes a hell of a lot of money working fewer dates than almost anyone. Suck it up, buttercup.

Roman Reigns def. Sheamus. This match brings back bad memories from late 2015. But then they wind up going at each other so hard that you wind up forgiving them.

The announcers actually brought up a valid point early on in this match. A pretty damn sad point, at that. Cole noted that Sheamus may be one of the most underrated stars in WWE history. They listed of all his singles accomplishments, and then added that they’re often forgotten because he’s now in a tag team with Cesaro. Think about that. On paper this guy has a Hall of Fame resume. WWE Champion, World Heavyweight Champion, King of the Ring winner, Royal Rumble Match winner, Money in the Bank winner, US Champion. And yet all that gets glossed over.

I don’t doubt the history books will be kind to Sheamus. But I can’t help but wonder if he’ll ever get the respect he truly deserves. 

Ivory announced for WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2018. Ivory was always a favorite of mine. Ahead of her time, in that she could always do the sports entertainment stuff, but she was a wrestler’s wrestler. And a good chunk of her WWE career was spent with ladies who, with due respect, really had no business being in a wrestling ring. Thus, she had to stoop to performing in various slop matches, Evening Gown Matches, Bra and Panties Matches, and a various other things that really don’t age well. She a lot was classier than the material she was given. The real-life Lisa Moretti has earned her spot in the Hall of Fame as much as just about all of her peers. 

The “Second Chance” Fatal Five-Way Match ends in a tie between Finn Balor and Seth Rollins. Both earn a spot on the Elimination Chamber Match. We’ve never had seven guys in a Chamber Match before. I assume it’ll be three guys in the ring at the start, with the remaining four entering as usual. Either way, it doesn’t matter. Roman Reigns is winning.

It’s curious that they’d put Apollo Crews in this match. In terms of his spot on the card, he was clearly below everyone else in that match. The good news, however, is that he definitely held his own out there. I feel like I talk about how athletic this guy is every single week. This was a hell of a chance to show off, and I think he took full advantage of it. Also, Apollo has some personality buried in there somewhere. We just need to dig…

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Women’s Royal Rumble Match, Plus Ponderings From Raw and Smackdown

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

I’ve been gone for a few weeks. As such, I haven’t gotten the chance to talk about the upcoming women’s Royal Rumble Match.

Like almost everybody else, I’m cool with the match itself. I just wonder if this isn’t the beginning of WWE continuing to water down their big pay per view shows. Historically, there’s only been one Rumble Match each year. Now we’re getting a second. I imagine we’ll get the women’s Rumble at the top of the show, and the men’s Rumble as the main event. I’m very curious to see how that Philadelphia crowd reacts to two of these matches on one show. Does the novelty wear off for the second one?

I’m also curious to see how they fill those 30 slots. Almost every eligible woman on the main roster is now in the match. Factoring in Dana Brooke and Alicia Fox, who haven’t been announced yet, you’ve got 19 main roster names you can put in there. Thus, they have 11 spots they have to fill with either NXT talent or returning wrestlers. That’s a pretty big gap…

Obviously all of this is still very much in the experiment phase. Growing pains for the Women’s Division, which continues to grow. Much of what goes wrong (if anything) this year can be corrected in the years to come.

Ponderings From Raw and Smackdown:

Jason Jordan interrupts Roman Reigns’ opening promo, talks about a three-man group between Reigns, Jordan, and Seth Rollins. Finn Balor, Luke Gallows, and Karl Anderson interrupt. A six-man tag is made for the main event. This Shield reunion was apparently snake bit from the start. First Reigns has to bow out of their first main event together, and now Dean Ambrose goes down with an injury that’ll put him out for nine months. That’s a rotten break. But as these things sometimes are, it may be a blessing in disguise. Going away for awhile will hopefully freshen Ambrose up, and maybe even lead him back to heavyweight title contention.

Jason Jordan came off really well here from the standpoint of being a hokey, lame daddy’s boy trying to insert himself into the Shield. On the flip side, it’s great to see Balor teaming with Gallows and Anderson at long last. But the cool vibe they’ve got going for them gets undercut real quick when they have to recite that contrived WWE dialogue.

Sasha Banks and Bayley def. Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville. After a few weeks off, I still find Sasha Banks annoying. Absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder.

On Wrestling Observer Radio last week, Dave Meltzer mentioned that WWE has given up on Bayley. I’m inclined to believe him. But they’ve got no one to blame but themselves for that one. They wrote Bayley into a hole that she still hasn’t been able to escape.

Matt Hardy def. Curt Hawkins, stares down Bray Wyatt. Memphis was pretty quiet for this one, unless Matt was prompting them to chant. Then they had that weird staredown. Not the best night for the Woken one…

The Miz returns on Miz TV, announces he’s coming for the Intercontinental Title. This was pretty by-the-book. Good to see Miz back, of course. Raw missed him.

So apparently Miz and Maryse are getting a reality show on the USA Network. That’s actually a pretty big deal. I’m not a Total Divas fan at all, but that show caters to an audience that Raw and Smackdown obviously don’t. Given Miz’s background as a reality TV star, not to mention the couple’s work on Total Divas, this could be an awesome thing for them.

Cedric Alexander def Enzo Amore via count-out. Enzo retains the Cruiserweight Title. Ouch. Kudos to Enzo for finishing the match after getting busted open by a kick. Also, he was either selling really well, or he legit hurt his ankle. Did they have to call an audible on the finish?

Got a chance to catch Enzo on Straight to the Source, Corey Graves’ interview show on the WWE Network. Enzo spouted off a lot of catchphrases, but he still did damn good with that platform. He also seemed to set up a feud with Big Cass when he returns.

Titus O’Neil and Apollo Crews def. Seams and Cesaro. So Dana Brooke is obviously with Titus and Apollo now. That business casual look actually suits her. It’s sort of a throwback to Debra’s old look. I would never have pegged “statistician” as a good role for Dana Brooke. But for now it’s working.

Kane ambushes Brock Lesnar after a Paul Heyman promo. Braun Strowman surprises them both, and then brings a lighting rig down on his Royal Rumble opponents. Firstly, since I didn’t get to say it last week, Brock sitting up and laughing at Kane’s Chokeslam was awesome. A really nice nod to the Undertaker.

So…that lighting rig obviously didn’t touch either Lesnar or Kane. That was pretty clear even on television. But still a pretty cool stunt for Strowman. And I liked the juxtaposition of Kane pulling himself back up with Lesnar getting loaded into the ambulance. I just wish the match stood a chance of living up to this hype.

Samoa Joe def. Rhyno, announces he’s targeting John Cena at the Royal Rumble. Crowd was dead for this one too. But in all fairness Rhyno has essentially become an enhancement talent. The final ECW Heavyweight Champion, ladies and gentlemen.

Finn Balor, Luke Gallows, and Karl Anderson def. Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins, and Jason Jordan. The Miz and the Miztourage ambush Reigns after the match. Teaming with Gallows and Anderson is already producing results for Balor. He got to score the pin and beat a team that’s not the Miztourage!

AJ Styles is interviewed at the top of the show. A Handicap Match is made for the main event. AJ’s end of this promo was weird. For one thing, he actually said “smart booking” on WWE television, which feels like something he’s not supposed to say. He also seemed legit flustered at one point. That’s sort of where he was supposed to be coming from in the promo. But I’m not sure he’s that good an actor…

Becky Lynch def. Ruby Riott. It was confusing that Charlotte and Naomi came out after Becky. Neither of them were in the match…

During this match I tweeted: “If Absolution is Coca Cola, then the Riott Squad is RC Cola.” That’s to say, Ruby and her crew seem like a cheap knock-off. That’s a shame, as Ruby’s look is so distinct. The big difference is Paige. Between Absolution and the Riott Squad, she’s the only established WWE name. We’re still getting to know everyone else.

Mojo Rawley def. Zack Ryder to advance to the semi-finals in the United States Championship tournament. This was hardly a shock. Ryder was always going to end up putting Rawley over. Though I still maintain a heel turn would have worked for Ryder.

There’s not much suspense in this tournament, as it’s obviously going to be Bobby Roode against Jinder Mahal in the finals at the Rumble. I’m assuming they’ll give it to Jinder as a way to rehab him after his WWE title run.

Shelton Benjamin and Chad Gable demand justice for the Smackdown Tag Team Titles. Daniel Bryan puts them in a Two-Out-of-Three Falls Match at the Royal Rumble. Gable and Benjamin were alright on the mic here. The big reason Benjamin was never able to reach that top echelon was he never had much of a personality. I think his opportunity to be a main-eventer has come and gone But if Gable can help bring a little more charisma out of him, he could still reap some big benefits down the road.

Breezango def. Rusev Day. Despite their loss here, Rusev and English should be tag champs before the year is through. For whatever reason, this Rusev Day thing is over.

AJ Styles, Randy Orton, and Shinsuke Nakamura def. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn in a Handicap Match. Shane McMahon adds stipulations to the match when Owens and Zayn try to get counted out, and then disqualified. I’m never a fan of the babyfaces outnumbering the heels in Handicap Matches. It throws the psychology out of whack. You can make a legitimate case that Shane is the heel here. He’s essentially trapping Owens and Zayn in this match. But that seems to be what they’re going for. This Shane McMahon/Daniel Bryan thing is all about shades of gray. It’s interesting, but confusing at times.

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Mia Khalifa vs. the Wrestling Industry, Plus Ponderings From WWE Raw

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

Wrestling fans can be an easily triggered group. Retired porn star Mia Khalifa found that out the hard way last week.

Khalifa was on a YouTube show last week discussing Ronda Rousey’s probable move to WWE, and said: “This is where her career will go to die. I have no respect for the WWE. I don’t think it’s a real sport. …You go from real fights to wearing a sequin unitard and pretending to fight?”

Her words obviously struck a raw nerve with wrestling fans, and eventually numerous wrestlers. The most notable response came from Shane Helms, who tweeted: “I’m not gonna get upset that a Porn Star doesn’t respect Pro Wrestling. She’s entitled to her opinion. Our bodies take a pounding. and well … so does hers.”

Numerous news and entertainment websites have picked up on the Khalifa/Helms story, with Helms catching a little bit of backlash for supposedly slut-shaming her. Khalifa has subsequently accepted an invitation to an indy wrestling show, and says she isn’t opposed to having her opinion challenged. She also says she doesn’t hate wrestlers, and just loves talking trash. I dunno. I think I hear backpedaling…

I can’t say I was bothered by what she said. One of the things wrestling fans collectively need to work on is being less insecure about what the world thinks of the sport we love. Who cares what other people think of it? We love it. That’s what matters.

The truly ironic thing about this is that both the porn industry and the wrestling industry come with an obvious social stigma. Even in 2017, with political correctness at a fever pitch, we still can’t get past “Ew, she did porn!” and “Ew, wrestling is so fake!” I’d like to think that someday we as a society will understand that everybody has to make a living somehow. If you’re doing something by choice and not hurting anybody, where’s the shame in that? Especially if it’s something you love, and that other people enjoy. Most of the wrestlers we see on a week-to-week basis are obviously passionate about what they do. As I understand it, you pretty much have to be in order to endure the hardships that come with the business.

As for Mia Khalifa, I don’t know if she enjoyed her adult film career. But she’s obviously made a living off it, and has been afforded opportunities she wouldn’t have had otherwise. So live and let live.

I will say this, though: It might not be wise to throw shade at Ronda Rousey, of all people. Yes, she lost her last two fights. But she can still murder most of us with her bare hands. Just saying…

Ponderings From Raw

Samoa Joe opens the show, calls out Roman Reigns. Sheamus and Cesaro emerge, springing a trap. Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins get beat down as well. Joe’s promo came off really scripted, especially once he tried to up the intensity. When he started talking about Roman’s “compatriots Seth and Dean,” and the Shield being “a grand stable of imperial champions,” the promo was dead.

The one line that did stick out? Joe referring to Ambrose and Rollins as Roman’s lap dogs. If they wanted it to, that line could be the spark for somebody’s heel turn down the line.

Paige and Mandy Rose def. Mickie James and Bayley. Nothing special here from a wrestling standpoint. Oddly enough, the only person that stood out to me here was Sonya Deville. She only had a couple of lines in the pre-match promo. But she was the most believable of the group. More believable than Mandy Rose, that’s for damn sure.

Another back and forth pre-taped promo airs between Bray Wyatt and Woken Matt Hardy. I ended up watching last week’s segment with Matt and Bray several times during the week. Unlike most of what we see on this show, it holds up to repeat viewings. This one didn’t fare nearly as well. They essentially did the same stuff as last week, with Matt hamming it up more. They’d best bust out a new trick or two next time.

Finn Balor def. Curtis Axel. Balor’s not exactly in there with main event talent (no offense to the Miztourage). But at least he’s not getting mauled by Kane. That’s a plus.

Seth Rollins def. Sheamus. I’ve reached the point where I automatically tune out whenever a combination of Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, Sheamus, and Cesaro are in the ring together. They’ve been wrestling each other on TV for months, and it’s this kind of repetition that strangles the life out of Raw. But word has surfaced that Sheamus is dealing with spinal stenosis, the same condition that ultimately ended the careers of Steve Austin, Edge, and Sting.

Though you certainly wouldn’t know Sheamus is having neck and back issues. The Blockbuster he took off the top rope, his use of the Stretch Muffler, the Superplex followed by the Falcon Arrow, etc. Pro wrestlers are damn near superhuman. But if history is an indicator, Sheamus is wrestling on borrowed time. Here’s hoping he gets to make the most of it.

Cedric Alexander def. Mustafa Ali, Tony Nese, and Ariya Daivari to advance closer to a Cruiserweight Title Match. The elephant in the room during this match was obviously Rich Swann’s arrest for domestic battery and false imprisonment. As one would imagine, he’s been indefinitely suspended. Really ugly situation.

Drew Gulak was on commentary for this match, and they were doing a bit where he played a politician pivoting and avoiding questions. It was entertaining enough.

Alexander and Ali did that hockey fight spot that we used to see Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn do all the time. I hate that spot. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

Roman Reigns def. Cesaro in an Intercontinental Championship open challenge match. Excellent match. Compelling story with Cesaro targeting Roman’s arm, which lead into a series of exciting false finishes. Something of an abrupt ending with the Spear. But quality work nonetheless.

We’ve long since passed the point where we can deny what Roman brings to the table every week. As for Cesaro, every time he gets in there with a big name he delivers awesome matches. Every. Time. It’s a damn shame he may never get a chance to be a big name himself.

When Absolution gangs up on Asuka, the women’s locker room empties to fend them off. Yeah, these Paige promos are officially bad. When it comes to Absolution’s dialogue, less is more.

Samoa Joe def. Dean Ambrose. Surprisingly, this one didn’t do it for me. Maybe a little too slow in the early going to grab my attention. Happy to see they protected Ambrose a little bit, though.

The Disaster Artist just came out. So more eyes are now on The Room and its star Tommy Wiseau than ever before. At some point, can somebody give Tommy a Kane mask just so we can see how close the resemblance is? For whatever reason, I’m interested.

Kane vs. Braun Strowman went to a double count-out. A post-match brawl ends with Strowman Powerslamming Kane through a table. The stipulation here was that the winner would get to face Brock Lesnar at the Royal Rumble. My guess is it winds up bring a three-way. I can’t say I have high expectations for that one.

But I didn’t have high expectations for this one either, and it wound up being pretty harmless. I expected this one to be pretty slow and sluggish, not because of Braun, but because of Kane. As great as he can be, his slower pace can work to his own detriment. When they were putting this match together, they countered that by keeping the wrestling portion of it short and to the point. They then threw in the weapons to up the stakes. They’ve consistently been smart with how they’ve protected Strowman in these main event matches, and that needs to continue into the new year.

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Paige and…PMS??? Plus, Ponderings From WWE Smackdown

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

So there’s a rumor going around that Vince McMahon originally wanted to refer to Paige’s faction with Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville as “PMS.”

Get it? Paige, Mandy, and Sonya? I don’t know if I buy it, considering how ridiculously sanitized everything on WWE television is today. But on paper, that’s about as much a Vince McMahon idea as you’ll ever find. Remember, this is the same guy who brought us the infamous Dr. Heiney sketch. Supposedly the idea was nixed once Stephanie McMahon caught wind of it.

And yes, I remember Terri Runnels and Jacqueline being called PMS in the late ’90s. I’m trying to forget that one, actually…

Though to be honest, I might have preferred the name PMS to what we got. Absolution? That’s got no kick to it. No zest, no flavor. What exactly is Paige being absolved for? The leaked footage? The Del Rio stuff? Probably not. WWE might brush across that on a network special, but I don’t imagine they’d go near it on a national level. So what gives?

Ponderings From Smackdown

Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn open the show. Randy Orton surprises Owens with an RKO. Shane McMahon announces Zayn vs Orton in the main event, with Owens handcuffed to a ring rope. Over the years, I’ve seen so many of these opening promo segments where the authority figure winds out coming out and making a match. They’re paint by numbers at this point. But I loved this one. Heel Sami Zayn is a damn riot. He’s beautifully smug and irritating. “You only boo ’cause you know it’s true.” Classic.

Owens and Zayn had a decent script here too. We got some good stuff about Randy Orton doing dirty work for the McMahons over the years, and getting more opportunities than anyone else. If you didn’t know better, you’d think Owens and Zayn were the babyfaces in all of this.

On top of everything else, that surprise RKO was timed beautifully.

Rusev and Aiden English def. The New Day to earn a spot in the Tag Team Title Match at Clash of Champions. So is Rusev Day the actual name of the Rusev/English team? Because I’m okay with that. These two match up better than I ever expected.

The Bludgeon Brothers win an enhancement match. If we’ve learned nothing else since they split the rosters again, it’s about the power of the enhancement match. They did wonders for Braun Strowman and Nia Jax, and they’re using them now to try and rehab Asuka a little bit. So it’s good to give Harper and Rowan a mix of jobbers and established names.

Bobby Roode def. Baron Corbin via disqualification after Dolph Ziggler hits him with the Zig Zag. Ziggler follows it up with a Zig Zag to Corbin. Ziggler was sporting a camouflage hat and a five o’clock shadow here. As if he needed to resemble Shawn Michaels anymore…

Ziggler is obviously in the Triple-Threat Match at the pay per view to take the losing fall. It’s just a question of whether they give it to Roode or Corbin. I’m all for getting that title on Roode as soon as possible. Corbin’s not doing it for me.

Charlotte Flair def. Tamina Snuka. Charlotte to defend the Women’s Title in a Lumberjack Match against Natalya at Clash of ChampionsSupposedly Charlotte was supposed to feud with Tamina before they brought the Riott Squad in. Like this match, that would have been a snooze-fest. So let’s take a moment to be thankful for Ruby and the gang in that respect.

What I’m less thankful for is the dialogue they gave these girls. What Owens and Zayn got at the top of the show? This was at the polar opposite end of the spectrum. Extremely generic, cookie-cutter BS. I know next to nothing about Sarah Logan. And after that line she had about long-tailed cats in a room full of rocking chairs, I’m not sure I want to.

Randy Orton def. Sami Zayn, despite Kevin Owens escaping from the handcuffs.  Nakamura comes out to make the save. Owens and Zayn to face Orton and Nakamura at Clash of Champions, with Shane McMahon as the guest referee. If Owens and Zayn lose, they’re fired from WWE. I get the sense Orton really enjoys throwing Zayn around out there. Make of that what you will.

The next big step in Bryan’s apparent heel turn is obviously going to come at the pay per view, when he somehow grants Owens and Zayn the win. Though I guess it’s up for debate whether it’s an actual heel turn. There’s more gray area here than we typically see.

So do Owens and Zayn get anything if they win? A shot at the tag titles, perhaps?

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Woken Matt Hardy, Plus Ponderings From WWE Raw

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

News leaked last week that longtime WWE composer Jim Johnston had been released after more than three decades with the company. That’s a hell of a downer.

Not surprising, mind you. If you look at Most the music WWE has produced in the last several years has been with CFO$, who have essentially become their in-house band. But Johnston was still working for WWE in some capacity. His most recent, and apparently final, theme song for the company was “I Bring the Darkness,” which Baron Corbin uses.

Consider how vital music is to the overall WWE experience. We literally can’t have matches without it, as wrestlers all have their own distinct entrance themes. This isn’t just the case in 2017. What would the Ultimate Warrior have been without the adrenaline-pumping guitar riffs as he sprinted to the ring? What is the Undertaker without the awe-inspiring orchestra that backs his entrance? How much did “Voices” change the tone of Randy Orton’s entire act?

The list goes on and on. Stone Cold Steve Austin, Dusty Rhodes, Degeneration X, Ted DiBiase, the Rock, the Big Bossman, Triple H, Goldust…

Johnston didn’t do it all himself, obviously. But he was the backbone of all things music-related in WWE for so long. He helped shape not only the product itself, but the careers of generations of wrestlers.

Johnston produced much of the soundtrack our childhoods. So thank you, sir. For so many years, and so many great songs.

Ponderings From Raw:

Both Jason Jordan and Samoa Joe attempt to answer Roman Reigns’ open challenge for the Intercontinental Championship. Jason Jordan gets the match, which Reigns wins. Joe attempts to attack Reigns after the match, but Jordan stops him with a suplex. Reigns repays him with a Superman Punch. Jason Jordan may have won me over in this segment. He was whiny and annoying as he clearly played the father/son card. But at the same time, they’ve tried to make this heel turn organic by giving a certain amount of legitimacy to his gripes. He’s a legit bad ass who can hang. When Jordan’s turn becomes official, they may actually have something with him.

Paige def. Sasha Banks. Absolution once again destroys Banks, Bayley, and Mickie James. The announcers have consistently remembered to bring up the fact that Sasha Banks has never successfully defended the Raw Women’s Title. They’re saving that little factoid for down the road. Hopefully it’s the Sasha heel turn we’ve been waiting on for months.

As annoying as I’ve come to find Sasha, when it comes to big bumps she goes all in. That Sunset Flip she took off the top rope was nasty.

Both this one and the opener went pretty long. In the first hour and a half of Raw, we only got two matches. Commercials notwithstanding, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Nia Jax flirts with Enzo backstage. Alright, sure. This could be decent. Just don’t let her wrestle him for the title…

Drew Gulak def. Cedric Alexander, Mustafa Ali, and Tony Nese. WWE announced this week that 205 Live is going to start running live events, starting with three on January 19, 20, and 21. This happens to be the weekend before the Royal Rumble. Supposedly, they’re looking for smaller venues for future events.

Considering a lot of the crowds for Smackdown have been half-empty lately, this seems like a disaster waiting to happen. Mind you, this comes on the heels of WWE sending out a fan survey asking why people aren’t watching the show. But I do like the idea of the cruiserweights performing in smaller venues. I’d be in favor of WWE moving 205 Live to a different night (Thursday?), so they could move it somewhere about the size of the facility NXT takes place in. Moving it out from the shadow of Smackdown could be a good thing. And smaller crowds could help recreate the intimate setting of the Cruiserweight Classic. Whether Enzo and that crew can sell tickets? That could be another story entirely. 

Damn, I wish Cedric Alexander could talk. His big dive over the rope, the standing Spanish Fly with Ali, and of course the Lumbar Check. He’s so damn good. But verbiage is the missing element for him.

The crowd was actually awake for this one. That’s a nice change of pace.

Braun Strowman dominates Elias before Kane interrupts via the tron to announce a match with Strowman next week. So does Kane go away after next week? Or does he stick around a little longer? Finn Balor could certainly use some retribution.

Strowman has been part of some really good Raw main events this year. He and Kane have a high bar to rise to. I’m not exactly optimistic, but I’m not dreading it either.

Asuka def. Alicia Fox. Absolution has another staredown with Asuka before annihilating Fox. I said this last week: I’m not a fan of Asuka backing out of the ring Paige, Deville, and Rose surround her. They’re having her smile, so you know she’s not cowering away. But it’s awkward, and doesn’t make a lot of sense. She clearly wants a fight, and could very well kick the hell out of them. Whether it’s ill-advised or not, why not just stand there and wait for them to make a move?

Finn Balor def. Bo Dallas. So Balor isn’t getting a match with Brock Lesnar at the Royal Rumble, and he just can’t seem to solve the Kane conundrum. But he can beat Bo Dallas! So that’s something…right?

“Woken” Matt Hardy makes his WWE television debut via pre-taped promo intercut with one of Bray Wyatt’s usual tron promos. Hardy sentences Wyatt to deletion. This little segment has been a long time coming. Some of us have been waiting on this since the Hardys came back at Wrestlemania. It’s been almost a year. But Broken Matt is finally here, albeit under a different name.

I was fine with this character’s first exposure to WWE audiences coming via pre-tape. As cool as it can be, it’s undeniably goofy. This lets the fans in on the joke before we inevitably get the bells and whistles the die-hards want to see.

Sheamus and Cesaro def. Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose to retain the Raw Tag Team Titles. Samoa Joe interferes in the match, costing the Shield the titles. It’s the feud that just won’t die. I’ve seen these four wrestle so much I nearly snoozed right through this one. Considering how good all these guys are, that tells you something. Can this please be the end? Please?

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Batista on His Way Back? Plus, Ponderings From Raw and Smackdown

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

Batista made headlines during a recent guest spot on The Ross Report. The former WWE Champion and Guardians of the Galaxy star told JR he’s been in talks with WWE about a return to active wrestling. More specifically, for a run against Triple H.

Meh. Batista and Triple H? Been there, done that. Done it to perfection, actually. More than a decade later, how could they possible hope to match what they did leading up to Wrestlemania XXI? It’s a set-up for failure. At least on paper.

On the other hand, Batista against today’s stars? Specifically, against these five top stars? That might be a different story…

1. Roman Reigns
The obvious choice. Any time you have a big name from the past come back, you think about matching them with the company’s current big star. Like him or not, Roman is that guy. What’s more, he’s a guy that’s proven he can excel in big match situations. A Roman/Batista match would also pull in the kind of media coverage WWE clearly wants Reigns to get. This one might not be as far-fetched as people think.

2. Baron Corbin
Corbin is in a weird spot right now. Despite winning a Money in the Bank Ladder Match, and taking the United States Title from AJ Styles, he’s an underachiever. They want him to be a big star. But he’s having trouble living up to his push in terms of both his in-ring work and his mic work. That being said, he’s very easy to dislike. He’s got a natural smugness about him. Doing a returning hero vs. young punk story with Batista might help Corbin get some of his momentum back. Especially if they loosen the creative reigns, and let Corbin be himself out there.

3. The Miz
This is an easy one. The Hollywood star against the guy who thinks he’s a Hollywood star. What’s more, Miz is more well-rounded than he’s ever been. Not just his mic work, but his ring work. I don’t see it being a five-star classic. But I imagine they’d give us something worthwhile. Plus, we’d get to see Batista throw the Miztourage around. Tell me that doesn’t sound like fun…

4. Samoa Joe
This one would play more toward Batista’s MMA experience. He actually does have one fight under his belt, which is more than we can say for Joe. But that’d be a fine lens to look at this pairing through. It worked well enough for Joe and Brock Lesnar. What’s more, I’d like to see what Batista would do when faced with Joe’s intensity.

5. Kevin Owens
There’s a lot to be said about KO’s work with Goldberg earlier this year, and what came of it. But one thing is certain: Owens played his role about as well as one could hope. He might be the best and most consistent mic guy they have. His matches don’t leave much to be desired either. He’d have a nice loudmouth villain chemistry with Batista. There’s a little intrigue in the obvious physical differences between them as well. You’d be hard pressed to find a better option than KO.

Let’s hit some of the highlights from Raw and Smackdown

Ponderings From Raw and Smackdown:

Roman Reigns issues an open challenge for the Intercontinental Title, which is accepted by Elias. Reigns pins Elias later in the evening. Samoa Joe ambushes Reigns after the match. This was a pretty good match. Maybe the best Elias has had since coming to the main roster. This guy has yet to emerge as a real player. But frankly, I

This is the second week in a row we’ve had a crowd be really into Roman. They broke into a chant for him in the opening segment, and even Roman himself looked surprised. I doubt this will continue once the Shield separates again. But for now, WWE is getting what they want from this Shield reunion.

Matt Hardy has a “breakdown” following a loss to Bray Wyatt. Well, here it is. It’s almost a year too late. But it looks like we’re finally getting Broken Matt Hardy in WWE. That’s a great thing. Now it’s just a question of how much creative control Matt has, and what they choose to do with this character. It’s unlike anything WWE, or pro wrestling itself, has ever seen before.

Rich Swann def. Akira Tozawa, Noam Dar, and Ariya Daivari. This ended up being pretty good, for as little reaction as it got. Poor Rich Swann took that big suplex on the outside, which literally got no reaction at all. Why? Because no one in this Cruiserweight Division outside of Enzo Amore is over. It’s a damn shame. Especially for somebody like Swann, who is objectively spectacular.

The newly named “Absolution” triple-teams Sasha Banks, has a staredown with Asuka. The Asuka staredown was a nice teaser for the Asuka/Paige match I had no clue I wanted to see. I wish Asuka hadn’t had to back out of the ring the way she did. But they’ve got her looking unstoppable. Tough to ask for much more than that. As for Sasha, she’s still got go-away heat with me these days. So this beatdown from Absolution was almost the equivalent of a babyface turn for me.

Kane gets disqualified in a match with Finn Balor. He destroys Balor before Braun Strowman attacks his throat. There’s been a lot of buzz about Balor allegedly being removed as Brock Lesnar’s opponent for the Royal Rumble because Vince McMahon doesn’t think he’s over enough. If that’s really the case, this did him no favors. Just like having Kane beat him up the night after TLC did him no favors. Or having Kane lay him out with a Tombstone before leaving him for dead did him no favors. If the idea here is to have Balor get his revenge in a big way, then lets get on with it. He could be one of WWE’s biggest stars, but the negatives of this situation are outweighing the positives at this point.

Mojo Rawley turns on Zack Ryder following a loss to the Bludgeon Brothers. This was my first time getting to see Harper and Rowan doing the Bludgeon Brothers thing. Really cool entrance. That’s really all there is to say at this point. Lets see if they can gain any traction.

I legitimately thought it was going to be Zack Ryder going heel, with the idea being to push Rawley as a babyface. I think he could have handled that. I was very curious to see how they might have handled a Zack Ryder heel turn. Moot point now, I guess.

The Riott Squad def. Charlotte Flair, Naomi, and Natalya. Natalya abandons her team. Liv Morgan and Sarah Logan incapacitate Naomi. Charlotte is left on her own. I absolutely adore Ruby Riott’s look. She’s about as different as you can get. And of course, I’m glad to have three more bodies in the Smackdown women’s roster. But this trio of Ruby, Liv Morgan, and Sarah Logan is at a disadvantage when you compare them to Absolution over on Raw. With Paige, they have a very distinct voice and identity. The Riott Squad are essentially just three new girls. What’s more, three new girls who had to cut a really scripted, bland backstage promo before this match.

The announcers even made a point to reference the similarities between Absolution and the Riott Squad. That might lend some credence to the rumor that Paige will be revealed as the mastermind behind both groups.

Sami Zayn interferes in the Randy Orton vs. Kevin Owens main event, despite being banned from ringside. Owens picks up the win. They’re obviously positioning Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan against each other, with the idea that Bryan will end up aligning with the heel Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn. The notion of turning Bryan heel is, on paper, ridiculous. It seems like they’ll be fighting the crowd every step of the way. But all three of those guys are extremely talented, and extremely charismatic in their own way. So I’m trying to keep an open mind…

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