By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder
1. HGTV and Stress Porn
Mrs. Primary Ignition loves HGTV. She’ll often put it on while we’re in bed at night, and one or both of us is trying to doze off.
I hate HGTV. There, I said it.
If you’re a newlywed who hopes to be in the market for a house in the near future, HGTV is like stress porn. Plus, that network only seems to have one show. It’s on every time she flips to it: House Hunters International. Each episode takes a couple that wants to buy a homes, documents them being shown three locations, and then they pick one at the end.
Judging from the prices on some of these houses, and how finnicky some of the people are, this seems more like Yuppie TV than HGTV. As I write this there’s an episode on about a couple relocating to Guatemala. Words like “serenity,” “stunning,” and “paradise” are being tossed around. The first house they’re looking at is along the lake, with a bathroom overlooking three volcanoes. But the wife is worried the place might be too spacey…
I’ve actually been to Guatemala. About nine years ago I did some charity work there (Shout out to Potter’s House International.). I helped build homes for Guatemalans. They were shacks made of sheet metal. For people who lived either on or near a landfill. They dug through garbage on a daily basis.
But hey, it was still a landfill in paradise, right?
This is just proof we have too many channels…
2. Aurora in Pink
Last week I was tasked with buying presents for a five-year-old. She wanted some of those Pop! Vinyl figures you see everywhere, with the big black eyes. One of them was Princess Aurora from Disney’s Sleeping Beauty. And she specifically had to be wearing a pink dress. The item was described to me as: “Aurora in Pink.”
Perhaps this was just a byproduct of me watching too much Craig Ferguson on YouTube, but that wording struck a chord with me. “Aurora in Pink” kind of sounds like something ladies have…doesn’t it? How the hell was supposed to go to a store and ask for that?
“Excuse me, I’m looking for Aurora in Pink.”
“You and me both, pal.”
Thankfully, Hot Topic had several in stock. Oddly enough, the other one my young friend wanted was Sadness from Inside Out. That’s another odd pairing. The discovery of Aurora in Pink isn’t normally accompanied by Sadness…is it?
3. The Mockingbird Trilogy
Go Set A Watchman has been out for awhile now. Haven’t read it. Don’t intend to.
The backstory on that book is that it was allegedly Harper Lee’s first draft for To Kill A Mockingbird. Fittingly, many reviewers say it reads as such. The book has sparked controversy over its portrayal of an older Atticus Finch, as well as allegations of elder abuse, and the manipulation of the 89-year-old Lee to get the book published.
Earlier this year, Lee’s literary agent said the book was originally intended to be the final installment in a trilogy, with Mockingbird being the first book, and a second shorter book between them.
I’m very reluctant to accuse anybody of abusing or tricking someone who might be vulnerable. But that does sound like BS, doesn’t it? A Mockingbird trilogy? Really?
I know trilogies aren’t a new thing, and that three is a psychologically satisfying number. But considering how bereft we are of fresh ideas these days, trilogies more prevalent than ever. So much so that it’s obnoxious. Suzanne Collins just had to write three Hunger Games novels. Ditto for Veronica Roth and the Divergent series. Did we really need a Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy? And in Hollywood it’s even worse. The Hobbit, The Hangover, The Matrix, Christopher Nolan’s Batman flicks, etc.
I refuse to believe that Harper Lee, the woman who refused to release another book for over 60 years, intended for her grand literary masterpiece to be the first in a goddamn trilogy.
Now, if the book were written and published today? Maybe. Today everybody’s looking for the next big blockbuster book series, a la Harry Potter or The Hunger Games, so they can make a bunch of movies and rake in a bunch of money. To Kill A Mockingbird would instead be The Mockingbird Saga, Part I. Think of the casting choices!
Woody Harrelson as Atticus Finch!
Robert Pattinson as Boo Radley!
Shailene Woodley as Scout Finch!
And poor Tom Robinson? Why, Kevin Hart, of course!
Image 1 from crissle.tumblr.com. Image 2 from popvinyls.com. Image 4 from forbes.com.
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