Weekly Comic 100s: Star Wars, Bad Mother, Disaster Inc., and More!

***”Weekly Comic 100s” keeps it nice and simple. Comic book reviews in 100 words or less. Straight, concise, and to the point.***

By Rob Siebert
Fanboy Wonder

TITLE: Star Wars #5
AUTHOR: Charles Soule
ARTISTS: Jesus Saiz, Arif Prianto & Dan Brown (Colorists), Clayton Cowles (Letterer). Cover by R.B. Silva & Guru-eFX.
RELEASED:
August 5, 2020

This new Star Wars series hasn’t been doing it for me thus far. It had Luke and Lando go back to Cloud City for a really stupid reason. It’s about to give Luke a yellow lightsaber right after he lost his father’s. Now in this issue he meets yet another Force user, who I assume is going to serve as a mentor. Even though adding another person in that role dilutes the impact of Obi-Wan and Yoda.

In exploring the year between Empire and Jedi, I’m starting to think we should have kept Shadows of the Empire as canon.

TITLE: Bad Mother #1 (of 5)
AUTHOR: Christa Faust
ARTISTS: Mike Deodato Jr., Lee Loughridge (Colorist), Dezi Sienty (Letterer)
RELEASED:
August 5, 2020

Bad Mother feels a little bit like Taken if the lead role were gender-swapped. Granted, April Walters doesn’t have that “particular set of skills.” But the cover certainly suggests a big attitude change is coming. I’m expecting something cathartic and suitably gory out of this one.

I’m definitely excited to see what Mike Deodato Jr does with this material, as he fares quite well here. There’s one exception, though: Based on the cover and the first page, I thought April might be pregnant. Whoops.

TITLE: Disaster Inc #2
AUTHOR: Joe Harris
ARTISTS: Sebastian Piriz, Carlos M. Mangual (Letterer). Cover by Andy Clarke & Jose Villarrubia.
RELEASED:
August 5, 2020

The industry hiatus caused by COVID-19 did no favors for Disaster Inc. It took me a decent amount of time to re-familiarize myself with the real-life disaster it’s based on. But once you start to pick up momentum in that respect, you fall back into it.

We get to explore our setting a little bit in this issue, which is nice. We also dive into some samurai folklore, which obviously lends itself to our monster/killer. All in all, a solid sophomore issue with some great art and colors by Sebastian Piriz.

TITLE: Giant-Size X-Men: Nightcrawler
AUTHORS: Jonathan Hickman, Alan Davis
ARTISTS: Davis, Carlos Lopez (Colorist), Clayton Cowles (Letterer). Cover by Davis & Edgar Delgado.
RELEASED:
August 5, 2020

These Giant-Size X-Men titles are a little misleading. I come into them hoping for something tightly focused on the title character. But with the Magneto one, and now this Nightcrawler issue, that’s proving not to be the case. This is less about Kurt and more about the three other mutants that are with him.

This issue takes us back to the mansion in Westchester, which has apparently been abandoned for so long it’s being overrun by friggin’ vegetation. (Not to mention some aliens.) You’re telling me that thing wouldn’t sell? It’s the X-Mansion, for cryin’ out loud!

Email Rob at primaryignition@yahoo.com, or check us out on Twitter.

Alex Ross Spotlight: SDCC Comic-Con at Home Documentary

By Rob Siebert
Fanboy Wonder

To coincide with this year’s special San Diego Comic-Con@Home, Alex Ross’ YouTube channel has released a 30-minute “documentary” in which Ross talks about how the pandemic has effected him, his artistic process, breaking into the industry, and more!

Email Rob at primaryignition@yahoo.com, or check us out on Twitter.

Rob Watches Star Trek: Glory, Thy Name is Gorn

***What happens when I, a 30-something-year-old fanboy, decide to look at the Star Trek franchise for the first time with an open heart? You get “Rob Watches Star Trek.”***

SERIES: Star Trek
EPISODE: S1.E18 “Arena”
STARRING: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, James Doohan, Nichelle Nichols
WRITERS: Fredric Brown (Story), Gene L. Coon (Teleplay)
DIRECTOR: Joseph Pevney
ORIGINAL AIR DATE: January 19, 1967
SYNOPSIS: Captain Kirk is trapped in a fight for his life against a reptilian creature called a Gorn.

By Rob Siebert
Trekkie-in-Training

I picked a disconcerting point in history to be watching Star Trek for the first time. One of the things that’s so great about this show is it’s tackling of cultural and ethical questions, issues of violence and nonviolence, etc.

Star Trek looks at humanity’s future with a hopeful eye. Kirk, Spock, and the others are by nature very pacifistic. And as we saw a few weeks ago, they’ve long since outgrown issues of race like the ones we see on the news nowadays. In “Arena,” Kirk and another creature called a Gorn are placed in a fight-to-the-death conflict resolution scenario. A powerful alien force deems both races uncivilized. Thus they’re placed in a violent situation befitting such a demeanor. Of course, in the end Kirk proves them wrong. About humans at least. So Star Trek predicts humanity will ultimately rise above its more violent tendencies. Cooler heads will prevail. Logic and compassion will win the day.

Keep in mind, this episode aired in 1967. More than 50 years later, are we any closer to being like Kirk? No. Not really. Certainly not if you take to heart all this COVID craziness, and then the fallout from George Floyd’s death…
Oye. Talk about a sobering train of thought.

Keep in mind, this episode aired in 1967. More than 50 years later, are we any closer to being like Kirk? No. Not really. Certainly not if you take to heart all this COVID craziness, and then the fallout from George Floyd’s death…

Oye. Talk about a sobering train of thought.

MEANWHILE, ON JANUARY 19, 1967: Major Bernard F. Fisher of the United States Air Force becomes the first to win the Air Force Medal of Honor. The prior year, Fisher had landed his plane in South Vietnam to prevent a fellow soldier from being captured by North Vietnamese forces.

Not so sobering? The goddamn Gorn!!!! I absolutely love this friggin’ thing. Not since “The Cage” have I seen Star Trek really embrace that campy, ’60s sci-fi glory. It’s not hard to see why that whole sequence with Kirk and the Gorn is so fondly regarded.

Here’s my question: Would it have been better to just have the Gorn be nude, as opposed to putting it in that weird loin-cloth thing? I understand it’s supposed to be a ship captain. But going with the “its okay for animals to be naked” logic works for characters like Chewbacca. Why can’t it work for the Gorn? (Although I’m guessing far less thought was put into the Gorn.)

Apparently our latest Earth-like planet isn’t the only one in the universe that looks like the deserts of Los Angeles County. Apparently Star Trek shot in this area so much that a prominent rock formation has been affectionately named “Kirk’s Rock.”

Frankly, it deserves that distinction for this episode alone. Are you gonna tell me that entertainment gets any better than this? I don’t think so.

Email Rob at primaryignition@yahoo.com, or check us out on Twitter.

Weekly Comic 100s: Year Zero, Disaster Inc, DCeased, and More!

***”Weekly Comic 100s” keeps it nice and simple. Comic book reviews in 100 words or less. Straight, concise, and to the point.***

By Rob Siebert
Fanboy Wonder

It seems like this is more or less the last “COVID-19 comic book week” we’ll be having, as next week things start shipping from Diamond again. (DC is a notable exception. But that’s another story.) Planned comics on the docket next week include Justice League, Suicide Squad, Alienated, and Frankenstein Undone. And of course, more X-Men back issues.

But in the meantime…

TITLE: Year Zero #1
AUTHOR: Benjamin Percy
ARTISTS: Ramon Rosanas, Lee Loughridge (Colorist), Sal Cipriano (Letterer). Cover by Kaare Andrews.
RELEASED:
May 20, 2020

I’ve always wanted to see a story like The Walking Dead, or a similar zombie apocalypse story take this route. It’s even more relevant now that the COVID-19 pandemic has happened. How does a zombie apocalypse effect different parts of the world in different ways? This story is seemingly going to show us via characters in the U.S., Mexico, Japan, Afghanistan, and a polar research base.

I think we’ll get a sense if this book fulfills its potential in about six issues. Which is unusual, for me it usually takes only one or two.

TITLE: Disaster Inc. #1
AUTHOR: Joe Harris
ARTISTS: Sebastian Piriz, Carlos M. Mangual (Letterer).
RELEASED:
May 20, 2020

I’ll credit Disaster Inc. for being educational. I’d forgotten all about the Fukushima power plant disaster of 2011. Just goes to show you how screwed up things are nowadays. I certainly didn’t know about the “nuclear samurai.” (Google it. It’s worth the read.)

Disaster Inc. is a delicious horror/mystery/ghost story that, thus far, is packed with intrigue and just the right amount of truth. It’s also got a highly unsettling butterfly theme going for it.  I’ll definitely be back for more.

TITLE: DCeased: Hope at World’s End #1
AUTHOR: Tom Taylor
ARTISTS: Dustin Nguyen, Rex Locus (Colorist), Saida Temofonte (Colorist). Cover by Ben Oliver.
RELEASED:
May 20, 2020

I’ve mostly stayed away from DCeased. Nothing personal. It’s just not my thing. This issue didn’t change that. But I appreciate a few little things about it. Perry White finally saying how proud he is of Jimmy Olsen. What appears to be a brief appearance by Stephanie Brown in her Robin costume. There’s also Dinah Lance as a Green Lantern. Didn’t realize that was a thing.

It’s always great to see Dustin Nguyen’s work. He’s great with content for young readers. But if this issue shows us anything, it’s that his style is versatile enough to handle more mature content.

TITLE: Batman: The Adventures Continue #4
AUTHORS: Alan Burnett, Paul Dini
ARTISTS: Ty Templeton, Monica Cubina (Colorist), Joshua Reed (Letterer).

We continue with the Deathstroke story here. I’d previously thought he’d have some kind of previous connection with Dick Grayson, given he’s widely known for being the New Teen Titans’ arch nemesis. But as it turns out Tim Drake, the Robin from The New Batman Adventures, is an ill-advised admirer of Deathstroke’s. That’s a cool little twist.

Another cool twist? This issue also makes Firefly is an exotic bug collector, as well as a pyromaniac.

TITLE: Star Wars: The Clone Wars – Battle Tales #1
AUTHOR: Michael Moreci
ARTISTS: Derek Charm, Arianna Florean & Mario Del Pennino, Luis Delgado (Colorist), Valentina Taddeo (Colorist), Jake M. Wood (Letterer).
RELEASED:
May 20, 2020

Nothing super special here. But nothing bad either. A flashback from Captain Rex about Anakin being a hero.

Florean and Del Pennino handle the flashback, while Charm handles things in the present. I’m partial to Charm’s work as his style is a little closer to the cartoon. As well as, incidentally, Ty Templeton’s style. But Florean and Del Pennino do just fine.

TITLE: X-Men #4
AUTHOR: Jonathan Hickman
ARTISTS: Leinil Yu, Gerry Alanguilan (Co-Inker), Sunny Gho (Colorist), Clayton Cowles (Letterer)
RELEASED: January 1, 2020

Magneto at the World Economic Forum. That’s really all you need to know about this issue.

Yes, Xavier, Apocalypse, Cyclops, and Gorgon are there too. But Magneto does most of the talking. And yes, there’s violence. But it’s not necessarily what you think it’ll be.

Credit to Yu, Alanguilan, and Gho for spending most of the issue drawing a dinner conversation. That’s not necessarily what people will ask for in their superhero comics. But they make it work. The novelty of Apocalypse is sitting there in a suit certainly helps.

Email Rob at primaryignition@yahoo.com, or check us out on Twitter.

Weekly Comic 100s: Star Wars: Doctor Aphra, Batman, X-Men, and More!

***”Weekly Comic 100s” keeps it nice and simple. Comic book reviews in 100 words or less. Straight, concise, and to the point.***

By Rob Siebert
Not A Doctor. Even in Space.

So it looks like, at least as far as the comic book industry is concerned, our long global nightmare is finally starting to wind down.

Between the launch of Lunar and UCS as new alternative distribution, and Diamond announcing a return to form on May 20, the comic book industry is a few steps closer to being back in business. In the meantime, last week Marvel published Doctor Aphra #1 in celebration of Star Wars day. Meanwhile, issues of Justice League, Lois Lane, among other issues from DC are set to hit the stands tomorrow. I knew I liked Rucka’s Lois Lane maxi, but I had no idea absence would make the heart grow this much fonder…

I also tacked X-Men #2 on. I don’t know that I’ll start picking up the book after it starts shipping again. But curiosity has been getting the better of me. Plus, there’s no better time than now, is there?

TITLE: The Flash: Fastest Man Alive #3
AUTHOR: Gail Simone
ARTISTS: Clayton Henry, Marcelo Maiolo (Colorist), Rob Leigh (Letterer). Cover by V Ken Marion, Sandu Florea, & Maiolo.
RELEASED: May 8, 2020

This issue is titled, “The Accelerated and the Infinitismal.” Heh. I dig it.

The Infinitismal in this case is the Atom, a.k.a. Ryan Choi, as opposed to Ray Palmer. Some dialogue between them suggests this story takes place early in Flash’s career. Which doesn’t necessarily jive with the timeline as I know it. But oh well.

As their target audience is the superstore crowd, most of these DC Digital-Firsts are drawn very accessibly with new readers in mind. As it’s a little more cartoony, Clayton Henry is able to separate himself from the pack.

TITLE: Star Wars: Doctor Aphra #1
AUTHOR:
Alyssa Wong
ARTISTS:
Marika Cresta, Rachelle Rosenberg (Colorist), Joe Caramagna (Letterer). Cover by Valentina Remengr.
RELEASED:
April 6, 2020

This series, at least at this early juncture, more or less casts Aphra as the Indiana Jones of the Star Wars Universe. She’s an archaeologist looking for priceless artifacts.

Despite enjoying her Kieron Gillen’s Darth Vader series, I could never get into Aphra as a solo act. In all honesty, not much has changed now. I just don’t think she’s the flavor of Star Wars I’m looking for at the moment. But the book is written and drawn just fine. Also, good on Marvel for hiring a mostly-female team for this one.

TITLE: Batman: The Adventures Continue #3
AUTHORS: Alan Burnett, Paul Dini
ARTISTS:
Ty Templeton, Monica Cubina (Colorist), Joshua Reed (Letterer). Cover by Sean Murphy & Matt Hollingsworth.
RELEASED: May 6, 2020

Now this is more like it. A slightly different take on Deathstroke. Not changing him too much. But just enough.

Jason Todd continues to look on. Is it a coincidence that he looks a little bit like the DCAU Jason Blood? Or are they just giving him the white streak in his hair from the comics? I imagine it’s the latter.

My sole artistic critique? Some bad coloring on the steam rising from Bruce Wayne’s coffee. Or maybe it’s tea.

TITLE: Wonder Woman: Agent of Peace #3
AUTHORS: Amanda Conner & Jimmy Palmiotti
ARTISTS:  (Inker), Adriano Lucas (Colorist), Travis Lanham (Letterer). Cover by Chad Hardin & Paul Mounts
RELEASED: May 6, 2020

Diana attempts to take a vacation day with Steve Trevor in this issue. Bad call. That’s always when the bad guys strike. In fact, Wondie then has an extremely busy couple of days stopping a meteor from colliding with Earth, then solving a murder mystery in Gorilla City. It’s all very nicely drawn by Daniel Sampere.

I always thought the Gorilla City idea was a better fit for Wonder Woman and the Amazons, rather than the Flash. Both are more or less primitive societies. But we get the best of womankind against the worst of mankind’s primate impulses.

TITLE: Superman: Man of Tomorrow #3
AUTHOR:
Robert Venditti
ARTISTS:
Paul Pelletier, Andrew Hennessy (Inker), Adriano Lucas (Colorist), Clayton Cowles (Letterer). Cover by Dan Mora.
RELEASED:
May 4, 2020

Dan Mora drawing Superman? Yes please.

Yet another awesome “shirt opening” sequence by Pelletier and the team this week. This one actually lasts a page and a half.

I don’t know if it’s because I have a baby girl now and it hit me in the feels to see Big Blue save a mom and daughter, but I can’t get enough of “boy scout” Superman.

Though at one point while dismantling a robot he gives us, “This game will cost you an arm and a leg!” Even I have my limits, folks.

TITLE: X-Men #2
AUTHOR:
Jonathan Hickman
ARTISTS:
Leinil Yu, Gerry Alanguilan (Inker), Sunny Gho (Colorist), Clayton Cowles (Letterer).
RELEASED:
November 13, 2019

I haven’t done the research yet on how a teenage (?) Rachel and Nathan Summers are with Cyclops in he present so that they can “help your old man beat up some monsters”. I’m just going with it. That’s pretty much what you have to do with most X-Men books.

Some cool creature art from Leinil Yu in here, though. Along with an awesome line from Cyclops: “I’ve got more hours in a cockpit than I do in therapy, son, and let me tell you…I have done the work.”

Email Rob at primaryignition@yahoo.com, or check us out on Twitter.

Toy Chest Theater: Ant-Man and Coronavirus

By Rob Siebert
Regular-Sized-Man

This shot from Mashkatul Anuar Ariffin, a.k.a. @mashkatoy, is obviously pretty poignant right about now. There’s a group of people out there right now that would gladly do the exact same thing given the opportunity. Even if it meant contracting the illness.

Is that really what Coronavirus looks like up close? Yeesh. No wonder it infected so many of us. It took the form of one of the sugary cereals we love so much. It looks like like Lucky Charms banged Fruit Loops…

Arriffin can also be found on Facebook.

Email Rob at primaryignition@yahoo.com, or check us out on Twitter.

 

Jim Henson/Muppets Spotlight – Kermit Sings “Rainbow Connection” Amidst COVID-19 Pandemic

By Rob Siebert
The Original Human Muppet

In this time of social distancing, we’ve seen plenty of celebrities offer encouragement from their homes. We’ve even seen a bunch of them put on musical performances. But I think it’s safe to say none of them have given us anything quite like this.

Two days ago, Kermit the Frog took to the swamps (care of YouTube) to perform the classic, and for many of us nostalgic tearjerker, “Rainbow Connection.” Take a look.

Kermit has been performed by Matt Vogel since 2017. Vogel does a fine job, of course. But I don’t think it’s possible to hear that song and not feel touched by the essence of Jim Henson, and what his legacy still offers the world today.

So as always, thank you Mr. Henson. For your own special form of magic.

Email Rob at primaryignition@yahoo.com, or check us out on Twitter.

Weekly Comic 100s: Batman, Superman, and DC’s Digital Offerings

***”Weekly Comic 100s” keeps it nice and simple. Comic book reviews in 100 words or less. Straight, concise, and to the point.***

By Rob Siebert
A Giant Something or Other

In response to the comic book industry being essentially stuck in limbo due to the Coronavirus pandemic, DC is releasing stories digitally that were previously exclusive to their DC Giants line. The Giants books were originally exclusive to mass market outlets, most notably Walmart. So what we’re getting here are basically re-prints.

But hey, they’re new to me. Plus, there’s some all-star talent attached to this stuff. We’ve got Brad Meltzer and Jim Lee on Batman, Amanda Conner and Jimmy Palmiotti on Wonder Woman, Gail Simone on the Flash. Hey, sign me up!

I was also finally able to purchase that Superman: Villains one-shot. So I threw that in too.

TITLE: Superman: Man of Tomorrow #1
AUTHOR: Robert Venditti
ARTISTS: Paul Pelletier, Andrew Hennessy (Inker), Adriano Lucas (Colorist), Clayton Cowles (Letterer). Cover by Rafa Sandoval, Jordi Tarragona and Tomeu Morey.
DIGITAL RELEASE: April 20, 2020

Our story here is about the Parasite leeching off the city’s power grid and causing a mass blackout. In response, Superman tells the people of Metropolis to stand by one another. To share food, help find medicine for people in need, check on their neighbors, etc. Seems like a pretty poignant message right now, eh?

It’s so awesome when somebody gets Superman right. What we get here is also very accessible to new readers, and Paul Pelletier absolutely nails the art, particularly with the Parasite.

At the end of the day, this is the Superman I want to read.

TITLE: Batman: Gotham Nights #1
AUTHORS: Sal Giunta, Brad Meltzer, Larry Hama,
ARTISTS: Jim Lee, Mirko Colak, Scott Williams (Inker),
COLORISTS: Alex Sinclair, John Kalisz
LETTERERS: Chris Eliopoulos, Travis Lanham
DIGITAL RELEASE: April 21, 2020

What Sal Giunta and Brad Meltzer do with “Medal of Honor” is really special. So I’m simply going to encourage you to read it without going into things.

The Lee, Williams, and Sinclair trio give me Hush flashbacks. In a good way.

The second story follows a similar “service” theme, only with Kate Kane instead of Batman. We go back to her military days, which is unexpected but not unwelcome. But I’m sure it was a surprise for casual fans looking for Batwoman.

TITLE: Wonder Woman: Agent of Peace #1
AUTHORS: Amanda Conner, Jimmy Palmiotti
ARTISTS:
Inaki Miranda, Hi-Fi (Colors), Travis Lanham (Letterer). Cover by Conner and Alex Sinclair.
DIGITAL RELEASE:
April 22, 2020

I’m not really a Harley Quinn fan. I know that’s enough to get me strung up in some circles. But I’ve almost always found her more annoying than humorous.

But with Wonder Woman as her “straight man” you get a pretty entertaining team. To their credit, they actually got me to chuckle when Harley appeared wearing what was supposed to be Amazonian armor.

Conner and Palmiotti write a hell of a Wondie. Early on, there’s an exchange between her and two security guards that I got a kick out of. Like Robert Venditti with Superman, they get her.

TITLE: Aquaman: Deep Dives #1
AUTHOR:
Steve Orlando
ARTISTS:
Daniel Sempere, Juan Albarran (Inker), Adriano Lucas (Colorist), Wes Abbott (Letterer). Cover by Liam Sharpe and Romulo Fajardo Jr.
DIGITAL RELEASE:
April 23, 2020

“My name is Black Manta. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

That’s basically what this issue is about.

I imagine because these were (at least in theory) released to a different audience, they wanted to start on the ground floor in some of these stories. That means a lot of expository dialogue. Superman: Man of Tomorrow did that. But this one really lays the expository dialogue on thick.

Great fight between Aquaman and Black Manta, though. At the “Museum of Unnatural History.” I adore that.

TITLE: The Flash: The Fastest Man Alive #1
AUTHOR:
Gail Simone
ARTISTS: Clayton Henry, Marcelo Maiolo (Colorist), Rob Leigh (Letterer). Cover by Dan Panosian.
RELEASED:
April 24, 2020

Coming out of this issue I know two things.

The Flash TV show has indeed ruined Iris West for me. Not because of the actress. Because of how she’s written.

Had it come out a month or two sooner, a few less people would have gotten on those disease-infested cruise ships.

Not surprisingly, Gail Simone writes a great Flash. Gail Simone writes a great almost-anything. Together with Henry, Maiolo, and Leigh, they’ve put together one of the highlights of this DC Giants digital-first campaign.

TITLE: Superman: Villains #1
AUTHORS: Brian Michael Bendis, Matt Fraction, Jody Houser
ARTISTS:
Michael Gaydos, Riley Rossmo, Scott Godlewski, Bryan Hitch, Cully Hamner, Steve Lieber, Jim Mahfood.
COLORISTS:
Gaydos, Ivan Plascencia, Gabe Eltaeb, Alex Sinclair, Dave McCaig, Nathan Fairbairn, Mahfood.
LETTERERS:
Dave Sharpe, Clayton Cowles, Tom Napolitano, Troy Peteri, Josh Reed.
RELEASED:
March 4, 2020

So here we have a bunch of villains reacting to Superman telling the world he’s Clark Kent. We hear from Toyman, Mongul, and a Joker-ized Supergirl (see Batman/Superman). We also get a story that bridges into future Superman and Action Comics storylines.

But by far the best part of the issue is a two-page Lex Luthor story, as he discovers he has 98 messages on his voicemail. And several of them (Possibly all of them?) are from the Joker. And he’s laughing. Take a wild guess at what he’s laughing at, folks…

Email Rob at primaryignition@yahoo.com, or check us out on Twitter.

Toy Chest Theater: Hellboy at Home

By Rob Siebert
Knows that’s a LOT of cats.

For obvious reasons, lately we’re seeing a decent amount of “life in quarantine” shots from toy photographers lately. I put a couple TMNT ones in a recent post.

But here we have another one by John_Conner42 on Instagram. It’s obviously not mine to title. But if it was, I’d call it “Hellboy at Home.” In a lot of ways, this is the perfect portrait of American life during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Quite often, there’s that one detail in an image that puts it over the top. In this one, it’s the milk pouring into the bowl. How he pulled that off I have no idea…

Email Rob at primaryignition@yahoo.com, or check us out on Twitter.

Raw Needs Austin: How Stone Cold Can Help Salvage the Show

By Rob Siebert
Has never stomped a mudhole.
Nor walked it dry.

Let’s get one thing straight: WWE itself does not need salvaging. Quite the opposite in fact. It’s ludicrously been deemed an “essential business” in the state of Florida. During this Coronavirus pandemic, they have continued to run three weekly shows, albeit with no fans in attendance, and a bare bones cast and crew.

Granted, these shows have been great for the likes of Aleister Black, Zelina Vega and her new faction, and even Apollo Crews. Promos in general have been awesome too. But on this week’s show, we also got such stellar matches as:

– NXT Women’s Champion Charlotte Flair defeating Kayden Carter (an NXT star who is a bigger deal on that show, but has done nothing but lose on Raw.)
– Shayna Baszler squashing Indi Hartwell (an NXT wrestler who’s not even listed on their “Superstars” page.
– Bianca Belair beating Santana Garrett. (Ditto).

Mind you, I have nothing against enhancement matches, or any of the women who played the “enhancement” role on Monday. But c’mon. This is supposed to be the flagship show! Yes, these are obviously very unique circumstances. And to their credit, WWE has been thinking outside the box to compensate for that. But there has to be something they can do to spice up Raw a little more…

*cue the glass shattering*

I’ve very much enjoyed The Broken Skull Sessions on the WWE Network. Largely because Steve Austin has become an amazing interviewer. Seriously. He’s got a no B.S. style that’s better than a lot of the so-called journalists we see on television today.

My only real issue is that so far it’s mostly been “usual suspects,” i.e. guys Austin has interviews a bunch of times already. Legends like the Big Show, Ric Flair, and Bret Hart. I imagine Shawn Michaels is coming up soon. Mick Foley too. Maybe Kurt Angle.

But what if The Broken Skull Sessions wasn’t just another interview show with the legends? What if it was more timely? What if it featured the stars of today, in addition to the stars of yesterday? What if they talked about current events? Like say, the friggin’ global pandemic we’re in the middle of, and how it’s devastated WWE? How about WWE being named an “essential business” by the state of Florida? What about the current product? Not just how everyone’s been effected by the pandemic, but how it works when things are running on all cylinders.

Most importantly: What if they put it on Raw?

Honestly, why the hell not? COVID-19 has forced them to come up with new ways of doing things. Who says they can’t fill at least one hour, maybe 90 minutes of Raw with Steve Austin, one of the biggest stars the industry has ever seen and a proven ratings commodity, and The Broken Skull Sessions? Let him talk to not only the legends, but today’s top stars. Let him help get some of these people over in the process!

Supposedly these interviews are shot in Los Angeles. So have WWE send a production crew, and then every week a new talent can travel down there to be interviewed. If the talent doesn’t want to travel? Have them Skype in. There’s no harm in that. Austin could talk to his damn walls and make it entertaining!

Who would he talk to? I’m glad you asked…

1. Vince McMahon
Vince has to be first. Because of the risks involved with traveling, it’s got to be the “Vince doesn’t ask people to do things he wouldn’t do” principle.

You could very well fill all three hours of Raw with this one, given the topics at hand. What Vince thought as he realized how serious COVID-19 was getting, his decision to go ahead with Wrestlemania, the choice to keep shooting new TV, Florida deeming WWE an “essential business.” And of course, they can talk about the current product.

If Austin is allowed to be himself and ask whatever he wants, this could be the most compelling episode of Raw in years.

2. The Rock
As far as I know, Austin has never interviewed the Rock. What better time than now? Based on his social media, he seems to be at home with his young daughter (as he should be). But he’s been active, and taking fan questions. He even had a chat with California Governor Gavin Newsom.

So if some jabroni named Gavin can get the Great One’s time, you’d better believe Stone Cold should be able to.

Again, they could fill all three hours with this if they wanted to. They can’t get a bigger name than Dwayne Johnson. They can talk about their matches, Rock’s transition into movies, his comeback against John Cena and what he thinks about the current stars, that cute little hand-washing video he made with his daughter. They could even talk about….*gasp*…AEW.

3. Seth Rollins
When I originally thought of this idea, Seth Rollins was the first name that came to mind. Because while he’s no Shawn Michaels, the man’s become fairly controversial over the last year. From how he was booked as Universal Champion, to his new Monday Night Messiah character, to competing in an empty arena at Wrestlemania. Rollins has also been one of WWE’s biggest flag-wavers lately. And one can argue he’s paid the price for that. This is all great fodder for an interview.

Notable Omission: Braun Strowman
Strowman won the Universal Title in a match that stunk up the PC at Wrestlemania. He also made some really tone-deaf comments recently about indie wrestlers making a living during the pandemic. He doesn’t need another chance to put that giant foot in his mouth right now.

4. Becky Lynch
From the “Man’s Man” to the Man herself. Becky’s been the Raw Women’s Champion for over a year now. As she once told Bayley, she’s THE Women’s Champion in WWE right now. What’s more, she’s risen to become one of the faces of the company.

Lynch was one of the guests on Austin’s USA Network show Straight Up Steve Austin. But I’d like to see the Rattlesnake get down to brass taxes. From her early life including her training as a circus performer, to her unlikely rise to the top, to Ronda Rousey’s recent inflammatory comments (that were obviously worked).

5. Triple H
Like anyone in the McMahon family, Triple H is almost always going to be topical in terms of an interview. Many of the same questions posed to Vince can be posed to Hunter. Particularly about the Coronavirus stuff.

But as WWE has been more than happy to point out lately, this month marks Triple H’s 25-year anniversary with WWE. He spent a sizable portion of those two and a half decades working with Stone Cold. So they can run down their history together. And of course, there’s always NXT.

6. Charlotte Flair
Whether people believe it or not, one day WWE is going to call Charlotte Flair “the greatest of all time.”  She’ll be to the women what John Cena is to the men. As least in terms of PR speak.

Except in Charlotte’s case, they might actually be right. If you don’t count what the Undertaker and AJ Styles did as pro wrestling, then Charlotte and Rhea Ripley had the best match at this year’s Wrestlemania. And for my money, she’d already done it twice before. As Dr. Venkman might say, she’s a legitimate phenomenon in that ring. She displays knowledge and ring prowess well beyond her years.

Between her Wrestlemania matches, being one of the first women to main event Wrestlemania, Rousey’s comments, her 12 championship reigns (if you count the NXT and Diva’s Titles), and the mounting pressure of not only living up to her father’s legacy, but the one she’s made for herself, there’s plenty of ground for Austin to cover.

Notable Omission: Drew McIntyre
He’s the WWE Champion, and essentially the star of Raw right now. Best not to overexpose him and have the fans turn on him even quicker than they did Rollins.

7. Edge
Obviously Edge’s comeback would take up the lion’s share of this interview. But he and Austin are both Attitude Era guys, so I’m sure there’ll be more than one trip down memory lane.

Edge also didn’t seem to take too kindly to fans who didn’t like his Last Man Standing Match at Wrestlemania. So I’d definitely like to see Austin press him on that. Furthermore, what’s next for him? Does he come back at Summerslam? Or does he wait until the Coronavirus craziness goes away?

8. Paul Heyman
Heyman is an awesome interview no matter who he’s with. He’s great with Austin in particular. We’ve heard them talk about ECW. We’ve heard them talk about Brock Lesnar. They can do that again, of course.

But what I really want to hear about is Heyman being Executive Director of Raw.

I suppose the actual content of the interview depends on how shoot-oriented they’d want to do this on TV, as opposed to the network. But Paul Heyman and Vince McMahon have famously butted heads in the past. But what’s their working relationship now? What’s it like running Raw on a week-to-week basis? What’s his schedule like these days? How difficult is it to be creative under Vince? The questions practically ask themselves.

9. John Cena
Other than the Rock, and maybe Vince, this is the biggest get they could…well, get. Austin and Cena. Two generations. Two icons.

There’s been a lot of talk about the Ruthless Aggression era lately. I don’t see why that wouldn’t continue in a setting like this. Cena made his now famous debut on Smackdown mere weeks after Austin walked out on the company. They just missed each other. That’s a hell of a place to start. From there, they can segue into Hollywood, Cena’s thoughts on the future of WWE, and all that jazz.

But above all else, Austin needs to ask what the hell was up with the Firefly Funhouse Match.

Notable Omission: Bray Wyatt
Again, it depends on how shoot-oriented they’d want these to be. But I have no desire to see Bray Wyatt out of character right now. And if it’s going to be in character, then it’s got to break down and end with Austin in the Mandible Claw.

10. The Street Profits and Bianca Belair
Wait, what? The Street Profits and Bianca Belair? Yup. Austin should talk to talk to all three.

Angelo Dawkins, and especially Montez Ford, have charisma coming out their pores. But when they were called up to the main roster, they were inexplicably put in weird hype segments for other segments on the show. This was before they’d made their in-ring debut mind you. Afterward, the hokey dialogue would continue. Yes, they eventually became the Raw Tag Team Champions. And in recent weeks, they’ve been joined by NXT call-up Bianca Belair.

But in NXT Dawkins and Ford had a certain charm about them that they’ve largely been missing since their move to Raw. They’ve had plenty of mic time, but it feels like they’ve been stuck behind a script. And who knows the power of being unhindered on the mic than Stone Cold Steve Austin. When he would be on headset during the formative days of his character, he reportedly asked Vince McMahon to not overly edit his work, as it was (and still is) largely what sets him apart from everyone else.

So lets have Austin sit down with Dawkins, Ford, and Belair. They can dive into Ford and Belair’s real-life marriage if they want to. But that’s by no means a must. They talk about coming up in a very different type of wrestling business than Steve did. They can dish on NXT, coming over to Raw, their characters, their favorite matches, etc.

Plus, seeing Austin drink beer out of a red solo cup would be kinda neat.

Email Rob at primaryignition@yahoo.com, or check us out on Twitter.