I’ve got a big day coming up later this week. I don’t always do well with big days.
One of the ways I was taught to deal with my anxiety is to try and live in the moment as much as possible. Concentrate on the here and now. This frustrates people in my life sometimes, as it often means I have difficulty planning things. But it helps me keep my cool in day-to-day life.
But sometimes, with big days, that’s a lot harder to do. I often find myself seeping back into some of my old ways.
Case in point, several years ago I got offered a job. A job that in hindsight, I really did not want. I was in a job I really enjoyed, but made less money in. But I felt I had to take it because of the money. Plus, it was in an office setting. And I fell victim to the old misconception that all “adults” work in offices, cubicles, etc.
I had two or three weeks before I started at the office job. As the time passed, I gradually got more and more anxious about what would happen to me in this new place. Would I be able to handle it? Would I get along with the people I work with? Would I somehow be exposed as a fraud and get fired? You know, all those healthy thoughts…
It got to the point where I was essentially anxious my entire day. Sleep became my only respite. Tragically, oblivion has its appeal for the perpetually anxious.
I vividly remember a family party where I simply could not calm down. It sticks out in my mind as one of the moments where my anxiety really took the wheel, and I was seemingly just along for the ride. I couldn’t escape it. Family members would talk me off the ledge, only to find me back up there a little while later.
The situation I’m in now is less dramatic, as I’ve become a better at coping with those feelings. One thing that I’ve learned helps tremendously is staying busy. Whether it’s being at work, exercising, reading, playing video games, running errands, etc. Anything to keep your mind occupied, so you don’t focus on the fear. That, and being on a good medication regimen can do wonders. At least in my experience.
So that’s what I’m going to try and do this week. No sitting around and wallowing. No laying in bed trying to sleep away the anxiety. One way or another, until the big day comes, I’m going to stay occupied. After all, it beats doin’ nothin’…
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